so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
