I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
