yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
