Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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