Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
