Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
