I think my fart just growled at me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
