They should really pass out barf bags in church
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
