Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
