His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
