1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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