you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
