I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
