I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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