i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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