My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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