I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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