No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
