omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
