This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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