You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
