He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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