I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
