I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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