Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
