Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
