It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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