Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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