Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
