i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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