Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
