The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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