it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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