let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
