How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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