my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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