It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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