New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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