Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
