Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
