I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
