so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
