I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
