I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
