HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
