That's intense
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
