I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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