Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
where are my eyebrows?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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