apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
