Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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