That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
