Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
