will power is for people who don't want to get laid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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