You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
