I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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