Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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