We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
