If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
