Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
