i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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