i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
