I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
