My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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