i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
