Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
