as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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