i barfeds in our rink
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
