Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
