sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
