Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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