My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
