doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
So. Much. Porn.
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