Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
