I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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