i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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