Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
