Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize