I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
