this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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