My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
