I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
