If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
