We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
