Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
