to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
