do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
