Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
