i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i've created a new STD.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
