Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I could make wine with my vomit
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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