thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
