I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found puke in my bra..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
