I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ok first of all what the fuck
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
