...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
