i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
